


Five

by ornategrip



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Crack Fic, Hand Jobs, M/M, Sibling Incest, Underage Sex, this is one of those fics where inappropriate sex solves problems somehow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 07:51:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18331781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ornategrip/pseuds/ornategrip
Summary: Five is sick and tired of being a virgin. Luther just doesn’t understand how this is his problem.





	Five

Five had always been able to make him feel small.

No matter how much taller Luther was or how much stronger, Five would mouth off and sneer and sound so damned condescending that Luther would feel stupid and dumb. His height and his strength would suddenly be liabilities, making him a big, lumbering, target.

Fortunately, that hadn’t followed them into adulthood. Or at least his adulthood, Luther was an adult and Five was... whatever Five was.

Five was huffing, acting as if Luther was too stupid to keep up and Luther just reminded himself that that wasn’t the case. Five was the one not making any sense. He was going on about biology and breeding habits and common sense solutions to basic, everyday, problems.

Luther was pretty sure the basic, everyday, problem was erections but Five was blathering on about circadian rhythms and hormonal outputs and societal expectations for some reason. Then he started in on esoteric breeding rituals of modern-day man-

“Oh, sex!” Luther said and Five glared at him.

“Yes, so I’ve been saying. Keep up, will you? I’m not entirely ignorant about it-”

“With Dolores?” Luther asked, interrupting again because he had been a little curious about her and Five looked outraged.

“Dolores was a lady,” he snapped and Luther immediately held up his hands.

“Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to imply otherwise.”

Five sniffed, straightened his shirt in a mannerism that could have been blamed on his old age but in all honesty was just Five. Five had always been a crabby old man, even back when they were four years old.

“As I was saying,” Five said, with an edge that warned Luther he was on thin ice, “This is one aspect of my education that could be considered lacking. I’ve read about it, of course, studied the diagrams but it isn’t the same. I need the field work, so to speak.”

“Uh-huh,” Luther said because these kind of nightmares usually took a while to get started and maybe he could make himself wake up before it really did. He pinched himself surreptitiously but no dice. Five was going on.

“Who knows what’s swimming in Klaus’ blood steam, I don’t want gonorrhea. Diego would just be a dick about it. Ben would include Klaus, which circles back to the gonorrhea. Can’t do it with the girls, what if they get pregnant? And there’s always a risk of pregnancy. I can’t handle being a father right now.”

“Well, of course,” Luther agreed, “Being a father is a heavy responsibility.”

“Yes, exactly!”

“None of that really explains why I don’t have any pants on.”

Because that was how this whole conversation started, Luther lying on his bed reading when suddenly his pants and underwear were gone and Five was there lounging against his desk like he’d always been in the room. All he had on to protect his virtue was a stretched out, holey t-shirt because he had been holed up in his bedroom and there wasn’t any point to layers there.

When he went out into the rest of the house, he always wore long sleeves to cover up what his body had become. He wasn’t quite ready to let his siblings get a good look, especially Diego, whose lingering sidelong glances itched under his skin.

But in his room at least, he was practicing being okay with himself and that meant shirts that didn’t hide everything that he was. It was a work in progress.

“I’ve just explained why any of our other siblings aren’t an option!” Five exclaimed, throwing his arms up. “Are you stupid or just not paying attention?”

“I’m not stupid, it’s just what you’re implying is so insane, I’m choosing to believe I’m misunderstanding.”

“Well, stop. This is serious.”

He looked serious too, his little face screwed up in concentration, it was the look he got when he was scribbling all over the walls, trying to solve the space-time continuum. This was not the space-time continuum.

“You could sneak into a dance club, you know. That worked for me. Just pop right in so they don’t card you.”

“Look at this face!” Five demanded, holding a hand to said face in order to display it. “Do I look like I can stroll into a club and get laid by someone who wasn’t a pervert? And that goes back to the whole gonorrhea thing. They all look like they have gonorrhea!”

Luther was seriously beginning to worry just what books Five had been reading. Did he get his hands on one of those anti-sex books masquerading as an education device? Yes, gonorrhea was bad but Five seemed a little hyper-focused on it.

“I checked your medical files,” Five added, as if in afterthought, “Your std panel came back clean after the furry girl.”

Luther sighed, deeply. Rummaging through each other’s medical files was definitely in the ‘not-normal family behavior’ list he had been taking to keeping but telling Five that would just take them off on some other wild tangent. And he still didn’t have any pants on and arguing with no pants on just felt like automatically taking the losing position.

He put his book down on his bedside table and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“All this, just because you don’t want to be a virgin anymore?”

Five called him a bad word.

Luther sighed again.

Luther’s lack of experience hadn’t bothered him too much, other than momentary pangs of loneliness and his standard dreams of Allison. Or when Diego got it in his head that it did bother Luther and went whole hog on the virgin jokes. Those had tapered off some after Luther’s one sexual experience, not because Diego thought it meant anything but because Diego didn’t want to risk pissing off Allison.

Nobody liked to talk about Luther’s one night stand, not if there was a chance that Allison might hear. The fact that they didn’t care if _Luther_ heard them was not lost on him. Siblings were the worst.

For all of Five’s bluster about why Luther was the only smart option, Luther was pretty sure Five had landed on him _because_ of his lack of experience. He and Five would be on equal footing, so to speak, what with Luther a nearly-virgin and all.

“It isn’t so bad,” he offered, a bit awkwardly, “Nothing wrong with being a virgin.”

Five gave him a dark look.

“Do you remember puberty?”

Luther winced because he did, he really did. Locked away in his tiny room, knowing Allison was just one wall away, desperately biting down on his pillow as he jerked off. Or Klaus, pointing and giggling every time he noticed one of Luther’s completely random erections. Luther hadn’t even been able to do the same to Klaus; if he pointed out Klaus’ hardon, Klaus had just gleefully paraded it about, traumatizing them all.

“Sometimes, all I can think about is sex! I try to focus on anything else, but no. Puberty has other ideas!”

Yeah, that sounded like puberty all right.

“I’m hard right now,” Five exclaimed, “No particular reason for it, just hello erection!”

“You’re talking about sex right now.”

“So are you and you aren’t hard.”

In tandem, they both looked down between Luther’s legs.

“Oh,” Five said, sounding a little surprised, “You are, a little.”

Before Luther could even squawk and bring his knees up, Five popped into existence right on his legs, seated on the tops of his thighs. His pants were gone too but he still had his knee socks and shoes and schoolboy shirt and jacket and Luther was going to go to Hell.

He immediately put his hands on Five’s shoulders to lift him off but Five just squirmed, knowing full well Luther would hesitate to use his full strength. To make it worse, Five squirmed _down_ , the smooth backs of his thighs rubbing against Luther’s steadily growing erection.

“You’re my brother,” Luther said desperately, any attempt at getting out from under Five somehow turning even more sexual. Like grappling a giant, horny, lemming and Luther wished he didn’t know enough to make that comparison but their childhood had been _so_ weird.

“And Allison’s our sister. Never stopped you.”

“I’ve never done anything with Allison!” he protested and somehow it was this that made him blush, his face burning. Not the squirming boy on top of him. He got his hands underneath Five’s armpits and tensed his muscles to throw him off once and for all.

“Please,” Five said.

Luther stopped fighting. 

They hadn’t been the best family but for a long time they had tried. And now they were trying again, as adults struggling to get past all the bad memories, all the times they’d let each other down. Five had come to him, vulnerable and unsure. Five, who hated to let anybody know if he ever felt uncertain, who would rather pretend to have everything all figured out.

Five who was asking him please, in a small little voice, clearly expecting rejection.

Luther brought his legs up, planting his feet flat on the bed so his bended knees could become a solid spot for Five to rest back upon. Five did so immediately, leaning back and allowing Luther to take his full weight without hesitation, secure in the knowledge that his brother wouldn’t let him fall. 

It looked like they were doing this.

“You could take your jacket off, you know.”

“No,” Five said immediately, “I’ll keep it on.”

He was trying to sound casual about it, like it was no big deal which meant it was. He had been surprisingly stubborn about the uniform, rejecting all chances to go out and buy normal clothes. He had huffed and claimed that worrying about fashion was beneath him, that as long as his clothes fulfilled their purpose there was no need to bother. Luther had long suspected that Five found comfort in the familiarity, in having something stay the same.

Keeping the jacket on made him feel safe.

“Okay, okay,” Luther said soothingly, rubbing his hands down Five’s chest, petting him through his clothes. Then he dipped down, squirming his hands underneath the hem of Five’s shirt so he could touch skin.

Five shivered in his lap but didn’t protest as Luther simply touched him, rubbing his hands up his belly and back down to his waist, touch firm enough not to tickle. It was a bit awkward, what with the layers of button up and sweater vest constricting his movements but Luther managed.

Luther wasn’t very experienced, Five was right about that but he didn’t see how he could go wrong with just touching. He had liked that the most out of his foggy memory of his one night stand, just the feel of another person touching him, skin to skin. Or skin to fur which was something he was trying to be okay with but the woman hadn’t minded and Five didn’t seem to mind either, so maybe it _was_ okay.

He shunted his own worries about his body to the side, this wasn’t the time to worry about his own insecurities. This was about Five.

He slipped his hands back down Five’s waist, dragging them down to rub along the tops of his thighs. Five was rock hard, cock an angry looking color, the tip more than wet. Luther’s own cock was pressing up between Five’s thighs, nudging at his balls and that was probably helping Five along too.

He took Five’s erection in hand and Five immediately came, hips jerking up almost violently as he whimpered. Luther eased him through it with a gentle hand, murmuring sweet nothings, nonsense things because he knew the blood would be rushing in Five’s ears and all he needed was the tone to come through.

It didn’t matter though, because as soon as Five became aware again, Luther could see the look of humiliation on his face.

Nobody liked being quick on the draw but it came with the territory.

“Hey, no,” Luther said, “That’s normal, it’s okay.”

Luther hung onto his dick, palming it, because if Five wanted to leave there really was nothing Luther could do to stop him. But maybe, if he kept the pleasure up, it would keep Five with him long enough to turn this around and make this a good experience instead of an embarrassing one. Five had come to Luther for help and Luther couldn’t stand the thought of letting him down.

It worked, because Five didn’t disappear, just stayed in place, resting limply against Luther’s knees, his chest heaving. He was refusing to look at Luther, face tipped away and turned to the wall but he wasn’t leaving, so Luther called it a win.

He just kept touching him.

Luther remembered this about puberty too, how once was rarely enough to calm the fire in the blood. He kept massaging Five’s cock and it never really softened, just stayed hard and soon was ready to go.

“See?” Luther said, “We’ll just go again.”

Five nodded without looking at him, his face so red even the tips of his ears burned pink. It was cute but Luther knew better than to say anything of the sort. Five never liked being cute. He did lean forward though, to press a chaste kiss to the corner of Five’s mouth.

Then he pulled back, rearranging them a bit so he could line their cocks up together. He straightened his legs out and sat up so he could get one arm around Five’s shoulders, the other curling around both their cocks.

Luther had never actually done this before but he had amassed a lot of porn during those long stretches of time between missions. One could ride their bicycle through the house only so many times before that got boring too and he had discovered a porn shop pretty early on, once he was the only one left.

He had magazines, he had videos. He even had playing cards with naked people on them. He had toys too, bought later on when he had worked up the courage. He had to work up the courage now but he figured giving a double hand job would just be like jacking his own cock solo, right?

He was wrong.

The first slide of their cocks together nearly unseated the both of them, what with how hard Luther’s hips jerked up. Luther flailed about, throwing his arms out to keep them from tipping over.

“Watch it!” Five snapped but he was biting his lip and his hips kept moving in little circles so his cock kept nudging up against Luther’s. It was making it a bit hard to get his bearings.

“Sorry, sorry,” Luther mumbled, “This is new to me, too.”

He got the two of them settled and then took a deep breath before wrapping his hands around their cocks again. You couldn’t really brace for pleasure the same way you could brace for pain but at least this time he was expecting the overload to his system.

Five was gasping, these high-pitched little hiccups, his whole body tense and shaking. Luther was right there with him, the feel of Five’s cock slicking and sliding against his own new and wonderful. It felt good, it felt amazing and Luther was working both their cocks eagerly, torn between watching what was happening between them and up to Five’s face, slack with pleasure.

Sweat was beginning to drip into Luther’s eyes but he didn’t want to drop the arm around Five’s shoulder and back and he certainly wasn’t going to let go of their cocks. Five’s hands were clutching at Luther’s biceps, his hips jerking back and forth, desperately following the rhythm, his feet rocking up and down into the mattress. This was sex, this really was sex, with his younger-older brother sitting on his lap.

It did something to Luther’s insides, the differences in their sizes, the way they fit together.

Luther had always been big, even before the serum and he was used to people being smaller than him. Hell, picking up hostages and running them to safety had been a thing he did often enough but holding Five like this felt different.

No matter how old he got, Five was never going to have more than a runner’s body, was never going to bulk up like Luther or even Diego. He wasn’t meant for that, would probably be more similar to Klaus, out of them all.

There was nothing wrong with that of course, it suited him. He’d grow up sleek and dangerous and people would probably underestimate him, to their own misfortune. Five would grow up to be as beautiful as the rest of their family.

Luther sucked in a breath at the thought of all his beautiful siblings, all while watching Five’s cock move against his own.

Luther’s ‘not-normal family behavior’ list wasn’t always filled with bad things. That was his ‘bad-normal family behavior’ list, for stuff they had thought was normal but was actually bad, like trying to punch Diego when he got mad at him and Diego throwing a knife in response. Most families didn’t do that.

There was also a ‘good-normal family behavior’ list for stuff like how they all congregated together for meals, without quite meaning to. Or when he went into the library and found Allison and Vanya curled up together in front of the fire, talking soft and low.

This was good too, maybe not normal but good. The intimacy of it all, the proof of trust. That Five had come to him and maybe just this once, Luther could do something right by his brother. He would need another list, ‘good-but-not-normal’ maybe and he was okay with that.

The lists were a complicated thing but so was his family.

Five’s orgasm took him by surprise, although it really shouldn’t have. They had been winding up to it, bodies moving in corresponding harmony, the air they were breathing heavy with the scent of sex.

Five shook with it, body so tight and tense and it triggered Luther’s own orgasm, making him gasp Five’s name as he came. He clutched at Five, holding him close as they both came apart, wet with it, with come, with sex, with each other.

Five slumped forward and Luther held him easily, shifting him a bit to the side so Five’s temple rested against his jaw, his chin hooked over Luther’s shoulder. They breathed together, Luther rubbing his palms along Five’s clothed back, idly counting the bumps and knobs that made up his spine.

There’d be a mess to clean up later but that could wait.

There was a peace to this, the slowing of their racing hearts. All those years Five had been alone, abandoned to an empty apocalypse. He must have gotten so touch starved. Four years on the moon had teased Luther with madness, he couldn’t imagine surviving decades of solitude.

Five truly was something else.

He turned his head just enough to kiss Five’s ear and listened as his brother slowly drifted off to sleep, heavy and content in his arms.


End file.
